


Iwaizumi Hajime (27) Has Had Quite Enough

by SpaceJammie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Iwaizumi Hajime Is So Done, M/M, Oikawa Is EVERYWHERE, Please don't be mad at me for writing this instead of updating one of my ongoing fics haha, Post-Canon, So just take my word for it and read it, This fic is super random but also very funny, idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceJammie/pseuds/SpaceJammie
Summary: I don't even know how to summarize this. It's funny though, I promise.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 30
Kudos: 70





	Iwaizumi Hajime (27) Has Had Quite Enough

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this despite my vague description, then thank you for trusting me! I got some sad news today and I cope with humor so here I am writing this instead of updating my ongoing fics. 
> 
> I feel pretty sure that you'll laugh when you read this. If you don't... well, sorry. No refunds.

Iwaizumi was on a road trip by himself, and he had been driving for a long time. He wasn’t actually sure how long it had even been. And he didn’t know where he was headed; he just knew that he needed to keep going. Somewhere out there was the answer he was seeking. But then his car died right as he reached a small town that was in the middle of nowhere. There was only one paved road through it, and it didn’t even have any traffic lights. To make matters worse, it was dark outside and Iwaizumi’s cell phone was dead. 

So he walked until he reached the first building on the long street. It was a one story building and it was labeled with two neon signs. One said, ‘Matsukawa’s Mechanic Shop.’ The other sign said, “Hanamaki’s Five Dollars Or Less Thrift Store.’ 

After staring up at those signs for a moment, Iwaizumi shrugged; he guessed it was to be expected that two very different businesses had to share a building in such a small town. He walked up the steps that led to the one door that was in sight, and was relieved to find that it was still unlocked. So he opened the door and walked inside. Then he looked around the room and raised his eyebrows. It was definitely more of a thrift store than a mechanic shop. Everywhere he looked there were odds and ends: furniture that was covered in stickers, garden gnomes with chipped hats, clothes that seemed like they’d only fit dolls, broken toys, empty food jars. It was a weird thrift store and he didn’t think anyone would ever actually shop there.

Iwaizumi then looked around for someone who could help him and saw that there was only one man in sight. He was sitting at a desk with a cash register on it and was preoccupied with his phone. Every now and again he’d giggle at something he was looking at as he scrolled away carelessly. And he had a name tag that read, ‘Oikawa, Store Associate.’

After a moment, Iwaizumi walked up to where Oikawa was seated. But Oikawa didn’t look up at him. Once it was obvious that he wasn’t going to be greeted, Iwaizumi cleared his throat and spoke. “Excuse me, sir. My car broke down and I need a mechanic.”

Oikawa glanced up from his phone and gave Iwaizumi a once over as he let out a quiet hum. Then he gestured to the sign on the desk that was between them. It said, ‘Ring Bell For Assistance.’

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the sign. Then he looked back up at Oikawa with a frown; he didn’t know why he was expected to ring the bell when an employee was already right there in front of him. He stubbornly waited for a full minute before he finally gave in and rang the bell.

At that point, Oikawa smiled and set his phone down. Then he spoke in an over the top customer service voice. “Hello there! How can I help you today?”

“.... I need a mechanic, as I said just a moment ago,” Iwaizumi replied irritably. It seemed like this guy was trying to be annoying on purpose. 

Oikawa nodded with a smile as if it was the first time he was hearing that information. “I see. I’m afraid you’ll actually want to go over there to that desk then. This area here is just for the thrift store customers,” he said as he pointed to a small desk with a computer on it, which was on the other side of the large room. There was a faded sign above it that read, ‘Mechanic Shop.’

“Okay. Thank you,” Iwaizumi said as he turned and walked over to the desk. He waited there for a moment but absolutely no one was around. But then he noticed that there was a sign on the desk that read, ‘Please Ring Bell For Assistance.’

Iwaizumi reached down and gave the bell a firm shake. Then he waited for someone to come out from wherever they might be hiding. But to his surprise, Oikawa himself walked across the room and went to sit down at the desk. He unpinned his thrift store name tag and replaced it with one that read, ‘Oikawa, Assistant Mechanic.’

“Hello! How can I help you today?” Oikawa said cheerfully as he looked up at Iwaizumi and batted his eyelashes. 

This had to be some kind of practical joke. And an annoying one, at that. Iwaizumi rubbed his hand over his face before he answered. “My car broke down, as I just told you a moment ago.”

“Oh, I see. That’s such a bummer! Unfortunately my boss isn’t here right now. And he’s the one you’d need to talk to about car troubles. I only do oil changes and tire rotations,” Oikawa said as he grinned up at Iwaizumi.

His luck kept getting worse and worse it seemed. “When will he be back?”

Oikawa clicked around on the computer for a full minute before he answered. “Oh dear, it seems he’s not coming back in today. He’s out of town with his husband. It’s their anniversary and they took a little trip. He won’t be back until tomorrow at the earliest.”

Iwaizumi sighed as he weighed his options; he would have to find somewhere to sleep, and his car would be his last resort. “Okay. Well, is there a hotel around here?”

“There sure is! It’s right next door,” said Oikawa as he stood up. “Let me walk you over there. It can be hard to spot for people who aren’t from around these parts.”

Iwaizumi reluctantly followed Oikawa outside, and they walked to the next building over. He felt like he was being treated like a child because the building was impossible to miss. There was even a huge sign that said ‘Hotel’ across the front of it that was flashing bright orange. They both went inside the small building and Oikawa stayed beside Iwaizumi as he walked to the desk, which was both weird and irritating. And there was no one there in the small reception area. But there was a sign on the desk that read, ‘Press Buzzer For Assistance.’

So Iwaizumi pressed the buzzer. And he wasn’t even that surprised when Oikawa himself went behind the desk and took off his mechanic name tag. Then he replaced it with one that said, ‘Oikawa, Hotel Clerk.’

“Are you kidding me right now?” Iwaizumi said as he crossed his arms. “Do you seriously work at all three of these places?”

Oikawa blinked innocently. “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not sure what you mean. How can I help you today?”

Iwaizumi could practically feel a vein popping out of his forehead as he swallowed down his growing rage. “I _literally_ just told you that my car broke down. And you said I can’t get it fixed yet, so you walked me to this hotel. Do you or don’t you have a room?”

“Oh, I see. You need a room. Of course, sir. We do have just one room available. It’s the bridal suite though, is that okay?” Oikawa said as he flipped through a reservation book without looking at it.

Iwaizumi glanced around the subpar hotel that had peeling paint and flickering lights. “This place has a bridal suite?”

“Oh but of course! We love to provide the very best for those special occasions,” Oikawa said with a look of pride. “Would you like to book the room?”

“I guess so, if it’s the only one,” Iwaizumi replied sourly.

“Lovely! Here’s the room key,” Oikawa said as handed over a metal key which was attached to a laminated piece of paper that said, ‘The Fancy Room.’

“Great,” Iwaizumi said with a sigh as he took the key.

Oikawa then led Iwaizumi over a door that was in the corner of the room; there were only two other doors in sight and no stairs anywhere, so Iwaizumi assumed that this was the extent of the hotel. 

“This one’s yours,” Oikawa said cheerfully. “Use the phone in your room if you’d like to order room service. The food here is fantastic!”

When Iwaizumi was about to go into his room, he saw that the words, ‘Bridal Suite’ had been written on the door with a sharpie. He started to get the feeling that this was not actually a safe place to stay. And once stepped into the room, he looked around with an unimpressed sigh. It was far from what he would have expected a bridal suite to be like. There was a tiny bed, a small dresser with a phone on it, a chair and an old cracked mirror. And in one corner of the room was a bathroom that was missing a door. 

“This sucks,” Iwaizumi mumbled to himself. He decided he’d go ahead and order food, so he used the phone like Oikawa had said.

And of course, it was Oikawa who answered. “Hi, you’ve reached room service. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to order dinner,” said Iwaizumi.

“Great! You have your choice between our basic meal, fancy meal, extra fancy meal, or premium meal,” Oikawa said with a smile in his voice.

“Just the basic meal will be fine,” said Iwaizumi. He was already being overcharged for the room, and he wasn’t going to pay extra for a fancy meal that would probably be as disappointing as everything else about this hotel. 

“Excellent. And what room is this for?”

“Uh… the bridal suite. This is Oikawa, isn’t it?”

“That’s right sir! Good guess. I’ll be there soon with your food!”

And soon was an understatement. Oikawa came to the door with food in under two minutes wearing an apron and chef hat, as well as a name tag that said, ‘Oikawa, Head Chef.’ 

Iwaizumi was kind of impressed with the speed of service; that is, until he took the lid off of the tray that Oikawa handed him before leaving the room. There was a bowl of cereal with the milk already poured into it. And there wasn’t even a spoon. 

So Iwaizumi sat in the creaky chair and drank his cereal while cursing his luck. Then he decided he’d better just go to sleep and hope for better things when he woke up. But that’s when he realized that there were no pillows or blankets, and the room was freezing. So he went to use the phone to call the front desk. 

Oikawa answered on the second ring. “Front desk, Oikawa speaking. How can I help you?”

“There are no pillows or blankets in my room,” said Iwaizumi.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry about that! Which room are you in?”

Iwaizumi rubbed the bridge of his nose; he didn’t know why he was being subjected to this torture. “The bridal suite. You literally just brought me cereal.”

“Oh, the bridal suite. Congratulations on your marriage, sir! I’ll get a maid over there with pillows and blankets as soon as possible,” said Oikawa.

Iwaizumi hung up the phone as he sat on the bed; it was horribly uncomfortable. And then there was a knock on the door within a few minutes. After he opened it, he almost slammed it closed again when he saw Oikawa on the other side. The man was dressed in a maid outfit and had a name tag that read, ‘Oikawa, Housekeeping.’

“What the hell?” Iwaizumi said as he stepped back. “Is there any job you don’t do?”

“I can do any job there is. I’m unstoppable,” Oikawa said in a voice that was sickly sweet. And then his expression darkened as he stepped into the room. 

“I think I’d like to leave now.”

“Oh no, silly boy. You can never leave,” Oikawa said as he stepped closer to Iwaizumi with a pillow raised up in his hands. “Stay here with me _forever._ ”

Iwaizumi tripped as he tried to back up, and then Oikawa jumped on him and started smashing the pillow against his face. He tried to push it away but found that he couldn’t; Oikawa was freakishly strong. 

Iwaizumi tried to call for help, but he suddenly found himself in a dark room. There was an arm over his face, so he shoved it off and heard someone mumble sleepily. It was Oikawa. 

As he sat up and looked around the room, he realized that he had just been dreaming. He wasn’t in some random town where Oikawa worked a strange amount of jobs. He was in his home. The home that he and Oikawa shared. And everything was okay. 

Except, no it wasn’t. That dream had been horrible and Iwaizumi was pissed. So he leaned over and punched Oikawa on the arm. “Stay out of my dreams, dumbass.”

Oikawa groaned as he sat up. “Wha-” he yawned. “What did you say?”

“I said stay out of my dreams,” Iwaizumi said with a huff as he laid down and rolled away from Oikawa. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to sleep again. 

Oikawa let out a tired whine. “Why are you being mean, Hajime?”

“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” Iwaizumi said as he hugged a pillow against his chest.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Well, did you laugh? I hope so! ^_^
> 
> Because I was serious about there being no refunds. You spent time reading this and it's gone now. Forever.


End file.
